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Sasquatches and Hair Loss: Supernatural Health Series

As a doctor in Canada I try to be very sensitive to the health concerns of my fellow Canadians.  Issues like high rates of autoimmune disease and multiple sclerosis, vitamin D deficiencies in the vast majority of individuals, and soaring rates of diabetes and heart disease are those I address in my practice every day.  And as a Canadian I also care about our supernatural community, most notably the Sasquatch.

Sasquatches (sometimes known as “Bigfoot” based on the most commonly found evidence of their existence), are native to the Pacific coast of North America, mostly through the Rocky Mountains of British Columbia, Oregon and Washington state.  Population counts vary as the Sasquatch are notoriously a secretive race.

Hair Loss in Sasquatches

One condition that is known to be distressing to Sasquatches is hair loss.  As Sasquatches do not use clothing they rely on their full body hair for warmth during the long northern winters.

Hair loss can have many different causes in both humans and Sasquatches.  I have highlighted a few of the most common below:

  1. Aging – hair loss is a normal process of aging. By 40 years of age, human hair growth slows, and it may be the same for the Sasquatch.  New hairs are not replaced as quickly as old ones are lost.  This will impact both male and female Sasquatches, however males may have more prominent hair loss due to the impacts of testosterone.
  2. Hormones – hormones, like testosterone and other androgens (“male hormones”) can contribute to hair loss in men, women and Sasquatches. The hair loss patterns in androgen associated hair loss are often easy to identify.  If you see a male Sasquatch with a receding hairline, or with loss from the top of their head, they should consider having their hormone levels tested.  If you see a female Sasquatch with all over hair thinning or with more hair on her chin or upper lip, suggest she have her hormone levels looked at.
  3. Low thyroid function – with up to 1 in 5 human adults experiencing low thyroid function it may be possible that rates are equally high in Sasquatches. Low thyroid function can lead to diffuse, all over hair loss, or in some cases patches of total hair loss (alopecia areata.)
  4. Celiac disease – another condition often associated with alopecia areata, celiac disease occurs when consumption of gluten (wheat, barley, rye) damages the small intestines and causes systemic symptoms by creating antibodies that attack various cells in the body, including hair follicles. The only treatment for the Sasquatch with celiac disease is total avoidance of gluten containing grains – which is not typically a staple in the Sasquatch diet.
  5. Nutritional deficiencies – depending on the diet of the Sasquatch, they may be prone to nutrient deficiencies that are contributing to hair loss. Just about any nutrient deficiency can lead to hair loss but some of the most common include iron, vitamin A, zinc and essential fatty acids.

Help for Hair Loss in Sasquatches

Just as with my human patients, I encourage any supernatural being, Sasquatch or other, to seek comprehensive testing when they experience hair loss.  Many doctors do not adequately assess for the many different conditions that can lead to hair loss, leaving people (and Sasquatches) frustrated and feeling like there are no answers.  But most cases of hair loss have an identifiable root cause, and once that is addressed even the most hopeless Sasquatch can regain hope, and potentially a full body of healthy hair.

Disclaimer

The advice provided in this article is for informational purposes by the supernatural community. It is meant to augment and not replace consultation with a licensed monster doctor. Consultation with a Naturopathic Doctor, Dr. Frankenstein, or other primary care provider is recommended for any supernatural being suffering from a health problem.

Zombies, BRAINS and Essential Fatty Acids

Theories abound on how zombies came to exist.  Contaminated food supply, mutated viruses, radiation exposure or parasitic infection.  No matter the cause of the zombie state, one thing is consistent for all zombies – a need for BRAINS.

Why Brains?

As we don’t have any zombies to consult for this article, we must rely on a bit of speculation as to why zombies have a nutritional preference for brains.  The human brain is the fattiest organ in the body, made up of at least 60% fat.  However if the fat was the only nutrient a zombie was interested in, adipose tissue (body fat) might be an easier target, especially in North America where roughly 70% of the population is overweight or obese.

What brain tissue has that body fat does not is a high concentration of a specific omega 3 fatty acid, DHA (docosahexaenoic acid).  Concentrations of this essential fatty acid are higher in the brain than any other tissue.  Could it be that zombies are hungering for more DHA?

Functions of DHA in the Brain

DHA is essential for the development of the brain and nervous system in infants, and in the repair and protection of the brain in aging individuals.  Perhaps zombies are seeking the known benefits of DHA on cognitive function (as their function has been significantly decreased by the zombie state).  Some of the known benefits include:

  • Improved memory
  • Improved learning
  • Improved mood
  • Improved neuroplasticity
  • Decreased rates of dementia
  • Decreased rates of depression
  • Increased brain size (less loss of brain size with age)

Novel Nutritional Recommendations for Zombies

I’d like to encourage all zombies, and zombie caregivers, to consider other sources of DHA and to leave the brains where they are best put to use – in the heads of healthy humans.  While food sources of DHA are not abundant in the typical zombie diet, incorporating more of these foods may help to reduce brain cravings and support zombie health.

Food Sources of DHA

  • Algae
  • Fatty fish – especially cold water fish like anchovies, salmon, mackerel, and herring
  • Eggs – especially DHA enriched eggs
  • DHA supplements

Select References

Dyall SC, Long-chain omega-3 fatty acids and the brain: a review of the independent and share effects of EPA, DPA and DHA.  Front Aging Neurosci 2015;7:52 https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4404917/

Disclaimer

The advice provided in this article is for informational purposes by the supernatural community. It is meant to augment and not replace consultation with a licensed monster doctor. Consultation with a Naturopathic Doctor, Dr. Frankenstein, or other primary care provider is recommended for any supernatural being suffering from a health problem.

Mummies & Dehydration: Supernatural Health Series

Water, water everywhere.  With 71% of the earth being covered in water, and around 60% of the human body being water, there is no doubt that water is one of the most important elements of health – health of the body and health of our environment.

But what about the health of mummies?  No one is more prone to severe dehydration that a mummified person or animal.  In fact, a lack of water is necessary for the mummification process.

So what is a health seeking mummy to do?  Let’s look at general guidelines for water consumption in humans, and see if our mummy brethren can benefit from this information.

Benefits of Water

Every system in our body uses water.  Without water many essential processes slow down or do not function optimally.  Some of the most important functions of water in the body:

  • carrying nutrients to your cells
  • allowing your cells to remove debris
  • flushing bacteria out of the bladder
  • supporting digestion
  • regulating bowel movements
  • supporting blood pressure
  • protecting joints
  • regulating body temperature
  • maintaining salt balance in the body

Signs of Dehydration

Dehydration can occur quickly, especially on hot days, or slowly with compounded effects day after day.  If you have any of the following signs of dehydration, you should increase your water intake and talk to your doctor.

  • headaches
  • dizziness
  • weakness
  • low blood pressure
  • confusion
  • dark coloured urine
  • dry skin
  • bandage wrapped skin and a birth date more than 100 years ago

How Much Water to Drink?

There is no hard rule for how much water to drink, but there are some general guidelines which can be helpful in keeping you hydrated.

  1. Two to three cups (250ml) per hour – This will keep you hydrated all day long
  2. 8×8 rule – eight 8oz glasses per day. – Simple, easy to remember, but not based on any hard science, the 8×8 rule is likely to work for most people
  3. 5-1.0 ounces per pound of body weight – A nice guideline that can be easily individualized based on your weight. Aim for the higher amount during hotter or drier weather.

For mummies, the recommended amount of water is likely to be much higher due to a baseline of severe dehydration.  I recommend tripling the above recommendations to meet a mummy’s water needs.

Human, or mummy, water is essential to our quality of life.  So pick a guideline above and challenge yourself to drink your way to optimal health.

Disclaimer

The advice provided in this article is for informational purposes by the supernatural community. It is meant to augment and not replace consultation with a licensed monster doctor. Consultation with a Naturopathic Doctor, Dr. Frankenstein, or other primary care provider is recommended for any supernatural being suffering from a health problem.

Laryngitis in Mermaids: Top Five Tips

There is no more famous case of laryngitis than that of the Little Mermaid. While her voice was lost due to an unfortunate deal with an evil sea witch, mermaids must be mindful of maintaining their voices lest they lose the ability to lure unsuspecting sailors to their destiny in the sea.

This article gives my top five tips for treating and preventing laryngitis in mermaids, mermen and sirens. Don’t let your lost voice be the loss of your allure.

  1. Increase Vitamin C

Vitamin C can help merfolk boost their immune system and overcome the inflammation of laryngitis. Sea vegetables, like dulse or kelp, contain about 20mg of vitamin C per tablespoon. So up your seaweed intake, or consider getting a vitamin C supplement – it is a water soluble supplement so watch that it doesn’t dissolve in the sea.

  1. Sage Tea

Sage (Salvia officinalis) is a land plant that is most often associated with Thanksgiving turkey dinners. However, it can be used by humans and mermaids alike to calm a sore throat and heal laryngitis. Sage has astringent, antiseptic and antibacterial properties that make it ideal for laryngitis.

Sage is most commonly used as a tea – brew 1-2 tsp in boiling water and drink warm (2-3 cups per day). You can also add honey if available in your neck of the sea. Don’t use sage if you are breastfeeding merbabies, as it can reduce milk supply.

  1. Licorice Reduction

Licorice (Glycyrrhiza glabra) is the root from another land plant and has anti-inflammatory and soothing properties. My favourite way of using licorice is as a reduction. Simple to prepare, and delicious, licorice reduction is safe for meradults and merchildren.

To make the reduction boil 8 tbsp of licorice root in 6 cups of water. Reduce heat and simmer until the mixture reduces to 1 ½ cups. Remove from heat and add 6 tbsp of honey. Cool, bottle and keep in a cool wet sack. Merchildren can have 1 tsp three times per day, and meradults can have 1 tbsp three times daily.

  1. Total Voice Rest

While the temptation for mermaids may be to sing, total voice rest is recommended for any merfolk suffering with laryngitis. Even whispering can prolong the inflammation in the laryngx and slow healing. So give your voice a rest for a few days and trust to your body language to get your message across.

  1. Don’t Trust Sea Witches

My final suggestion for preventing laryngitis is to avoid sea witches, and never trust one if you do encounter one. Sea witches are one of the most common causes of laryngitis in mermaids (although a rare cause in humans). Remember – an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure – so leave the sea witches to their own devices and reduce your risk of developing laryngitis.

Disclaimer

The advice provided in this article is for informational purposes by the supernatural community. It is meant to augment and not replace consultation with a licensed monster doctor. Consultation with a Naturopathic Doctor, Dr. Frankenstein, or other primary care provider is recommended for any supernatural being suffering from a health problem.

 

Vampires and Vitamin D Deficiency

Very little is known about the health issues impacting our supernatural community. Notoriously secretive, no agency (that we are aware of) is maintaining statistics on the health of supernatural beings. In this series I will be bringing a greater awareness to this issue, discussing some of the most common concerns impacting the magical members of our global community. Perhaps through education we may bring some light to those inhabiting our darkest nights.

No Sunshine in Their Lives

The existence of vampires has been documented in cultures around the world since ancient times. While exact population counts are impossible to attain, vampires are thought to be one of the most populous of all the supernatural beings.

Dwelling only in the darkness, vampires at are significant risk of vitamin D deficiency. Vitamin D is produced when the sun’s ultraviolet rays (UVB rays) penetrate the skin. With full body exposure to sunlight, a body can produce upwards of 10 000 to 20 000IU of vitamin D after just 15 minutes. This duration of sun exposure would certainly be fatal to a vampire.

40% of Humans, 100% of Vampires

It is estimated that 40% of humans are deficient in vitamin D, with rates being much higher during the winter months when UVB rays are unable to the Northern hemisphere. With no exposure to the sun it may be estimated that 100% of vampires are likely to be deficient in vitamin D.

Risks of Vitamin D Deficiency

Vitamin D deficiency can lead to an increased incidence of colds and influenza, osteoporosis, autoimmune disease, and over 16 different types of cancer, including breast, pancreatic and lung cancer.

Vitamin D Supplementation for Vampires

Ideally testing for vitamin D levels should be carried out on vampires to determine ideal dosing. As vampires are notoriously secretive, and very few laboratories are open after dark, testing may be difficult to attain. I suggest all vampires consider a vitamin D supplement, to ensure their needs are met. A general guideline for humans and vampires is to take a minimum of 1000IU per day. Your Naturopathic Doctor can help to individualize your dose based on your body weight and sun exposure (or lack thereof).

Disclaimer

The advice provided in this article is for informational purposes by the supernatural community. It is meant to augment and not replace consultation with a licensed monster doctor. Consultation with a Naturopathic Doctor, Dr. Frankenstein, or other primary care provider is recommended for any supernatural being suffering from a health problem.